Are you tired of temper tantrums in your child? Well, there are ways to handle your sulking child, grumpy child or an upset child. The first thing is to maintain your cool - do not get carried away emotionally. Try to analyze the situation like, ‘when does this generally happen? Is it when your child didn’t get your quality time, or when she wants her favorite food? Is it when she could not take ‘no’ as the answer; or wants her way?’ You may think of different ways to handle it – say, set aside a small amount per week that the child can spend by him/herself and don’t buy such things from your pocket. Be firm.
Read on to know, how to handle such situation from Param Pujya Dadashri from the discourse below:
Questioner: My son frequently gets upset very easily and sulks.
Dadashri: It is because people give too much importance to the boys and not enough to the girls. The girls are less likely to sulk. (In India, the male child receives more importance.)
Questioner: Why do they sulk, Dada?
Dadashri: It is because you constantly give in to them. Just let them come to me and sulk! They do not sulk with me because I never give in to them. Even when they refuse to eat, I would not bother with them, whereas you make a big fuss and insist that they eat. I do not coddle them to eat. In doing so you are reinforcing bad habits. I know what bad habits it creates.
When he gets hungry, he will eat, you will not have to pamper him. I know of other tactics. And sometimes if he is being very obstinate, he may not eat anything even if he is hungry. So then I would communicate directly with his Soul. You should not do this; you should just continue to do whatever you normally do. Children do not sulk with me. What good does sulking do?
Questioner: Dada, show us your tactics because the sulking and pampering goes on day in day out. So if you give us your key, it will help us all.
Dadashri: They sulk because of your own selfish interest and expectations. Why should you have so many selfish motives?
Questioner: I don’t understand what you mean by selfishness. Whose selfishness?
Dadashri: A person who is sulking does so because he knows that you want something from him (knows of your self-interest).
Questioner: That means we should not indeed show our self-interest.
Dadashri: There shouldn’t indeed be any self-interest. Why should you have any self-interest? You will get whatever your karma unfolds, so how much should you expect from it? And it is indeed unfolding of karma. On the contrary he will become even more obstinate if you show self-interest.
Questioner: How can we pacify a youngster who throws temper tantrums?
Dadashri: How will it help the situation by getting rid of his temper?
Questioner: He will not fight with us.
Dadashri: As a parent, you should conduct yourself in such a way that he does not detect anger in you. When he sees you get angry, he will decide that he can be angrier than his father.
If you stop getting angry, he will too. Look at me. Since I have conquered my anger, no one fights with me. Even when I tell them to get angry with me, they shrug their shoulders.
Questioner: We have to get angry with our children so that they do the right thing. Don’t we have to fulfill this duty as parents?
Dadashri: Why must you become angry? What is wrong with simply explaining things to them? You are not creating anger.
Anger just happens. The anger that you display is not considered anger. It is not considered anger to scold your child. So show anger. It is acceptable to demonstrate anger, but instead you become angry from within. It is one thing to display anger and another to become angry.
Questioner: What is the reason behind anger?
Dadashri: Weakness. Anger is a weakness. It is this weakness that makes a person angry. He himself does not get angry. After he gets angry, he realizes that it was wrong. He is remorseful, which goes to show that it is not in his control. This machine, this body and its contents get overheated, so you should wait for it to cool down and then you can pursue the matter.
When you become irritated with your children, you are binding new karma for your next life. There is nothing wrong in displaying irritation towards them as long as you do not feel and suffer the irritation. It should be dramatic.
Questioner: They do not become quiet unless we scold them.
Dadashri: There is nothing wrong in scolding them. But when you become involved in the scolding, your facial expression changes to one of disgust. In doing so, you will bind negative karma. Go ahead and scold them, but keep your facial expression pleasant. It is because your ego arises that your facial expression becomes ugly.
Q. What is the role of parents in child development?
A. You are as old in parenting as your first child. You evolve as a parent as you learn the likes and... Read More
A. Dadashri has given following valuable points in communicating with children: As a parent, you... Read More
Q. How to talk so kids will listen to you effectively?
A. Most parents complain that their kids do not listen to them. What do you do when someone on the... Read More
Q. How to guide kids on how to stop eating junk food as much as possible?
A. Nowadays, children are fascinated by the developing world and modern food habits. They prefer to... Read More
Q. What to do when your children make mistakes?
A. When children make mistakes or do something wrong, the proper way would be to ask him in a friendly... Read More
Q. How to discipline a child without yelling? How do you raise a child with good manners and discipline?
A. How to discipline a child or how to raise a child is a parenting art. Knowing how to raise a child... Read More
Q. How to deal with a defiant child or a stubborn child?
A. What should be done when an open clash between you and your child arises? What should be done when... Read More
Q. Which is the good parenting skill to practice in front of a child?
A. Two minds can never be of the same opinion always. So, there will be a difference between views of... Read More
Q. How to stop yelling at your kids? How to stop nagging?
A. At the end of the day, you feel tired that after all the nagging and yelling, nothing has improved.... Read More
Q. How to break bad habits of kids?
A. Looking for how to break bad habits of your kids? Let’s get started! Consider the following... Read More
Q. What is the role of parents in kids’ education?
A. Kids education is indispensable in today’s world. So, what is parents role in child education?... Read More
Q. How to go about parenting teenagers ?
A. Parents have to take the initiative to fill the gap between the two generations. When the child... Read More
Q. How to teach moral values to children?
A. What is the role of a good parent? They should mold their child in such a way that by the age of... Read More
Q. How to strengthen parent child relationship?
A. A parent child relationship is two-sided. Both parent and child should individually make efforts to... Read More
Q. How much inheritance for your children?
A. You should spend well and not keep too much aside for your children regardless of how much they... Read More
Q. What is the power of prayer for children? How do I pray for kids?
A. We all know that we should not get angry with the child or say hurtful words or scold them or beat... Read More
Q. How to Deal with Teenagers as a Single Parent?
A. Seeking how to deal with teenagers tends to become the only goal of any parent’s life when their... Read More