Questioner: Dada, my children misbehave at home. My scolding has no effect on them.
Dadashri: Have you ever noticed the writing on some packages shipped on the trains? Do they not say, 'Glass-Handle With Care,'? Similarly, you should practice the same policy at home when interacting with your children. What happens to glass if you keep hitting it with a hammer? No matter how upset you are, would you throw that package of glass? Would you not regard the label, right away? Likewise, you should handle everyone at home as if you are handling glass. Typically if something goes wrong within the home, your immediate response is, "Why did you lose your purse? Where did you go? How did you manage to lose your purse?" This kind of bombardment is same as hitting glass with a hammer. If parents simply understand the statement, 'Glass- Handle With Care,' they will be able to deal with the children. They need not be Self-realized for this.
Love is the only way to improve the world. What the world calls 'love' is not real love; it is infatuation, attachment. You love your daughter, but would that love exist if she were to do something wrong? At that time, you get upset with her and therefore it is not love, it is infatuation or attachment.
Live with your children as though you are their trustee. Do not worry or harbor anxieties about getting them married. Whatever happens, just say, "It is correct." You will gain nothing by saying, "It is incorrect." Those who perceive it as wrong or incorrect, suffer a lot. Of course if a couple's only child were to die, you cannot tell them, "It is correct." In instances such as that, you must say what happened to their child was very unfortunate. You must express your feelings naturally. You have to play out your role in the drama of life, but from within, your conviction should be that whatever happens is 'correct' and move on. Glass is a glass as long it is in your hands and if it slips and breaks, then say it is correct. Tell your daughter to be careful as she picks up the broken glass, but from within say that it is correct.
If your speech does not have anger in it, it will not hurt the other person. Words spoken in anger are not the only form of anger. Anger also exists as anguish churning within a person. To suffer in silence and to tolerate is twice the anger. Tolerance is similar to putting pressure on a coil. The coil can only sustain so much pressure. Similarly, one can only tolerate so much before his 'spring' recoils. The breaking point of one's tolerance level will be realized when his spring shoots from having an excessive amount of pressure exerted upon it. Why do you have to tolerate? You have to solve everything through Gnan. If any damage occurs to you or your relative world, you are to simply remain an observer (drashta) and a knower (gnata) of everything that is going on. This world is only meant to be seen and to be known.
1) One is not to win the world; he has to win the home (family).
2) When you get irritated with children; that is considered as taking a new 'loan' (new karma is charged). You have not yet paid off the old one! To become irritated is an "extra item" outside of the "contract" (the past lives deeds between 2 people). This is how one continues to create new debts (new karma is charged).
Book Name : Life without conflict (Page #44 Paragraph #2, #3, #4 & #5 ; Page #45 Paragraph #1 & #2)
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